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Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy
Ministry of AB logo
DAMMIT SHUSKYYYY
Agency overview
Jurisdiction Bouvetoya
Employees 1,117,339
Annual budget 19,064,000,000 cookies
Ministers responsible Shusky, Minister Abundant Bureaucrat
Darkflame, Minister Abundant Bureaucrat
Cockroach Al-Teal, Minister Abundant Bureaucrat
Deputy Ministers responsible Franz Kafka, Deputy Abundant Bureaucrat
Vladimir Putin, Deputy Abundant Bureaucrat
Ceasar Augustus, Deputy Abundant Bureaucrat
Joe the Hobo, Deputy Abundant Bureaucrat
Departments Department of Counting the Other Ministries
Department of Forwarding Mail Randomly
Department of Forwarding Mail (Less Randomly)
Department of Blatantly Refusing to Forward Mail Until Bribed Properly
Department of Bribe Registration
Department of Corruption
Website
[1]

The Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy (also known as the Ministry of Ministries, or the First and Foremost Regulatory Ministry (often abbreviated to First among Ministries for simplicity and confusion)), looms grimly over the clan like a brick of tightly compressed red tape, which it is. For further reference, we refer you to the references, and to the index of this page. The Ministry highly recommends becoming fully familiar with the table of contents below before delving into the depths of the administrative details of the First and Foremost Regulatory Ministry.


Mission StatementEdit

The primary goal of the Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy is the execution, legislation and administration of all matters bureaucratic, political, governmental, or otherwise, along the lines of its official Raison d'être.

ResponsibilitiesEdit

The Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy is responsible for the proper execution, legislation and administration of all matters bureaucratic, political, governmental, or otherwise, in accordance with its own Mission Statement, and its relations with the Bureau- and Autocrats Treaty Organisation, the Ministry of the Misc. Terior, the Ministry of Forms Except For Those Regarding Strawberry Regulations, and any other relgulative incidents.

Internal responsibilitiesEdit

The Ministry of Ministries's sphere of responsibilities encompasses the proper conduct of form-related issue within the different ministries, departments, sub-departments, unions, and royal houses within the Flying Purple Hippos Community and associated government, as well as any incidents regarding proper registration and bureaucratic adjudication.

Internal internal responsibilitiesEdit

A fortiori, the Ministry of Ministries's sphere of responsibilities encompasses the proper conduct of form-related issue, proper registration and bureaucratic adjudication within the Ministry of Ministries.

External responsibilitiesEdit

The First Among Ministries, by the Grace of the Golden Hippo the Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy and Protector of the Faith is issued with the holy task of defending the Faith againts all nonbelievers in the world, be they openly hostile or friendly, and will leave no road to bureaucratic victory untravelled to ensure the survival of the Faith in any and all formal documentation regarding hippo-related religions.

Inter-ministerial responsibilitiesEdit

The Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy bears to task of being the primary adjudicatory and regulatory institution in case of any discrepancy between two different Ministries' goals, Mission Statements, Raisons d'Être, Dominion, Area of Influence, Property, Budgets, or Employees. In case of any other sort of conflict, no further conflict-related actions are to be undertaken by any other ministry before reception of official conflict-creating forms. This has caused several complications within FPH Bureaucracy, prompting response from different strawberries.

Reaction by the Ministry of Forms Except Those Regarding Strawberry RegulationsEdit

The Ministry of Forms Except For Those Regarding Strawberry Regulations takes issue with the Ministry of Abundant's Bureauracy claim to being responsible for all conflict-related forms. As such, they have released a statement declaring a conflict between the Mission Statements of the Ministry of Forms Except For Those Regarding Strawberry Regulations and the Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy. However, since they both claim to be the only one able to issue the correct form for the resolution of this conflict, the two ministries are leaving his conflict open, although an exploratory committee has been formed to investigate the coordination of conflict-related forms between the two Ministries. The Ministry of Forms Regarding Strawberry Regulations has issued a statement of support for the interpretation of the Ministry of Forms Except For Those Regarding Strawberry Regulations.[citation needed]

Reaction by the Ministry of WorEdit

As a reaction to the Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy's demand that the Ministry of Wor fill in forms for every war they declare, the Ministry of Wor has declared war on the Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy. Having neither issued nor received conflict-creation forms from the Ministry of Wor, the Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy has claimed that there is no conflict between the Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy and the Ministry of Wor. It has, however, diligently increased its bureaucratic foothold on any ministries that might have been invaded by the Ministry of Wor.

GoalsEdit

See also: World Domination I guess

The First among Ministries adopts the bureaucratic equivalent of any goal espoused by any other ministry, department or sub-department, be it related to the furthering of Flying Purple Dominion over dominions official and unofficial or otherwise.

With regards to responsibilitiesEdit

The Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy, as the Greatest Among Ministries according to the as such officially appointed Ministry Greatness Ranker-Of, is to achieve full and total perfection with regards to its treament of its own responsibilities, without doubt and wavering, in war or peace, with no regard to its own safety and with nobility of hearts, if the proper forms for such behaviour have been approved by the Ministry.

Other goalsEdit

Employment of civil servants stimulates the economy of FPH Isle according to H. von Hippoberg-Keynes and other famous economists.[citation needed]

Communication-related goalsEdit

No other ministry shall count amongst its goals the proper communication of forms, their interpretation, validity and syntactic correctness, or distribution. No other ministry shall count amongst its goals communicating the proper registration of any government- or union-related intra- and inter-organisational relations. The Ministry of Abundant Bureucracy presides over the task of creating a department with these responsibilities, in co-ordination with the Bureau of Introducing More Bureaucracy While Nobody Is Looking.

Raison d'êtreEdit

None; result of thorough lobbying by the tape industry.

Formal Raison d'êtreEdit

The Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy (MAB, M/AB, MoAB); also known as the Ministry of Ministries (MM, M/M, MiniMi) or the First and Foremost Regulatory Ministry (FaFoReMi, FFRM, MiniReg), exists in order to administrate, adjudicate, legislate, evaporate, discriminate, or otherwise indicate any other relations, conflictuous or otherwise, between ministries, departments, and other bureaucratic bureaus of Flying Purple Government, be they of bureaucratic, political, governmental, federal, international, or judicial nature, in accordance with its Mission Statement.

De jure domestic versionEdit

The Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy (MAB, M/AB, MoAB); also known as the Ministry of Ministries (MM, M/M, MiniMi) or the First and Foremost Regulatory Ministry (FaFoReMi, FFRM, MiniReg), exists in order to administrate, adjudicate, legislate, evaporate, discriminate, or otherwise indicate any other relations, conflictuous or otherwise, between ministries, departments, and other bureaucratic bureaus of Flying Purple Government, be they of bureaucratic, political, governmental, federal, international, or judicial nature, in accordance with its Mission Statement, in order to further the effective dominion of the FPH Government and the Ministry of Ministries in particular, over all its formal dominions and other related and unrelated accompaniments, be they alive, dead, lifeless, or otherwise, in accordance with the formal agreements with the Ministry of World Domination and any and/or all other documents it may be legally bound with according to the First and Foremost Regulatory Ministry and its BATO allies.

De facto domestic versionEdit

The Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy (MAB, M/AB, MoAB); also known as the Ministry of Ministries (MM, M/M, MiniMi) or the First and Foremost Regulatory Ministry (FaFoReMi, FFRM, MiniReg), exists in order to administrate, adjudicate, legislate, evaporate, discriminate, or otherwise indicate any other relations, conflictuous or otherwise, between ministries, departments, and other bureaucratic bureaus of Flying Purple Government, be they of bureaucratic, political, governmental, federal, international, or judicial nature, in accordance with its Mission Statement as far as judicially possible, in order to further the effective dominion of the FPH Government and the Ministry of Ministries in particular, over all its formal dominions and other related and unrelated accompaniments, be they alive, dead, lifeless, or otherwise, in accordance with the formal agreements with the Ministry of World Domination and any and/or all other documents it may be legally bound with according to the First and Foremost Regulatory Ministry and possibly its BATO allies.

Internationally recognised versionEdit

The Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy (MAB, M/AB, MoAB); also known as the Ministry of Ministries (MM, M/M, MiniMi) or the First and Foremost Regulatory Ministry (FaFoReMi, FFRM, MiniReg), exists in order to administrate [...] any and/or all other documents it may be legally bound with according to the First and Foremost Regulatory Ministry and its BATO allies.[citation needed]

Practical Raison d'êtreEdit

It originated when people figured out contemporary bureaucracy could no longer deal with the amount of bureaucracy generated by bureaucracy, and we needed an additional layer of bureaucracy or the bureaucracy would start leaking. It's like an onion, it has layers and it makes you cry

Justification of the use of a French Word in this Wiki SectionEdit

According to the Universal Declaration of Human Writers, french is classy, and fully in accordance with paragraph seven through nineteen of the Second Higher Bureaucracy Act, as signed by the Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy, its Departments, the Bureau of Introducing More Bureaucracy While Nobody Is Looking and the Confédération Générale du Lief's Quatorze-Millième Post Travail, so this is totes allowed.

Political involvementEdit

The Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy is well-known for involving itself in the business of other ministries, departments, and/or organisations relevant and non-relevant to the well-functioning of the Flying Purple Government and its associated ministries. It usually does this by covering other ministries in red tape until they surrender.

Usurpation of other ministriesEdit

The Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy is really the only ministry capable of having a proper bureaucracy, with forms and queues and all that jazz. ALL THE OTHER MINISTRIES ARE AWFUL AT THIS AND MUST BE INCORPORATED. This is why slowly but surely, red tape has been seen sticking to people in various ministries.

Usurpation in the context of a broader power-grabEdit

By replacing employees in various places, the Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy has been seen influencing FPH Policy, for example the trebuchet production quotas. It is suspected the Ministry of Abundant Democracy is trying to take over the entire world.[citation needed]

De facto usurpationEdit

The Ministry the Interior is seen as a puppet ministry ever since their minister was crucified using staplers and red tape

Conflict with Ministry of WorEdit

Outline of the conflictEdit

Historical precursorsEdit
Modern political conflictsEdit
EscalationEdit
Estimated death tollEdit

Bureaucratic results of the conflictEdit

Established ministriesEdit
Notable deathsEdit

RumoursEdit

As one of the biggest ministries in terms of employees (though it is suspected some are counted double), some horrible rumours exist about the Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy.

UnfoundedEdit

The following rumours are completely unfounded and possibly lies by the Ministry of Wor.

Responsibility for disappearance of Head CheeseEdit

In the first half of the 2000s, famous ornithologist and chef de haute cuisine Head Cheese disappeared in mysterious circumstances. His residence at the time was closed by a cooperative venture of the Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy and the Ministry of Forms Except For Those Regarding Strawberry Regulations due to a possible typo in his pigeon observation licence. This has caused some unscrupulous individuals to claim that Head Cheese was in fact kidnapped by the Ministries in question in order to alleviate the bureaucratic pressure on the Ministry of Abundant Democracy Higher Ornithology Programme. However, this cannot be true since all responsible civil servants had taken vacation days during his alleged disappearance.

Involvement in Purpleshirt activitiesEdit

It has been claimed that the Ministry of Abundant Democracy was involved in funding and assisting the Purpleshirts before, during and/or after the Tea Hall Putsch. However, considering the permanent shortage of funding within this poor, poor Ministry, this is kinda unlikely.

Responsibility for the death of democracyEdit

Critics have claimed that it is suspicious that during the Putsch, all democratic representatives in STTPX were murdered by strangling them with red tape. It is however a stretch to claim that this means the Ministry was involved directly, since thanks to the Ministry, red tape is the most abundantly available murder weapon in the Isle and anyone can get it.

Reaction by the MinistryEdit

In response to this outrageous rumour, the Ministry attempted to rebrand itself as the Ministry of Abundant Democracy to alleviate criticism and political pressure.

FoundedEdit

The following rumours are completely founded and possibly propaganda by the Ministry of Wor.

Relation with Bureau of Introducing More Bureaucracy While Nobody Is LookingEdit

Since the Ministry's preferred method of extending its power involves regulating and usurping other ministries, the ability to introduce new agencies, regulatory or otherwise, out of thin air, is highly useful for the Ministry. It is therefore suspected that the Ministry of Abundant Democracy is in fact responsible for harbouring the Bureau of Introducing More Bureaucracy While Nobody Is Looking and keeping its location unknown from other individuals, and in fact from any theocratic or Purple Eminential oversight. This is probably true, I mean, come on, you could hide a zeppelin in the shape of an elephant in this network of red tape and forms and nobody would notice until its trunk hit the Big Ben.

Identity of Bureau of Introducing More Bureaucracy While nobody is LookingEdit

As a result of the above, it's been claimed that the Bureau is in fact identical with this Ministry. I mean, who can tell really, but we'll roll with it.

Close relations with the popeEdit

The Ministry of Abundant Democracy holds close trade relations with the pope and together, they have launched many popular ventures, such as the Committee for the Support of Catholic Hippos and the country of Guatamala.

Identity of the popeEdit

We know who the pope is shut up.

DepartmentsEdit

The Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy has many subdivisions, sub-subdivisions, committees, subcommittees and other organisatorial groups, only a few of which have been able to fill in the proper forms to get Department status.

Department of Counting the Other MinistriesEdit

The most powerful of all groups within the Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy both politically and organisatorially, the Department of Counting the Other Ministries is the only department capable of maneuvering the bureaucratic labyrinth that is the Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy. It has used this extraordinary feature to enact various royal decrees despite not featuring any royalty, and has named the head of its department Minister of Counting the Other Ministries even though he heads a mere Department. Forms by this department are rumoured to be signed in the blood of young civil servants who fill out the wrong application form or pay their application fee late.

Department of Forwarding Mail RandomlyEdit

The most efficient of the various departments, the Department of Forwarding Mail Randomly handles the majority of inbound post within the Ministry and deals with over 60% of mail within three days[1]

Conflict with Department of Fowarding Mail (Less Randomly)Edit

Due to lack of policy regarding division of inbound mail between the Ministry of Forwarding Mail Randomly and the Ministry of Forwarding Mail Randomly, classical methods are used to claim mail.

Department of Forwarding Mail (Less Randomly)Edit

The least efficient of the various departments, the Department of Forwardnig Mail (Less Randomly) has two parentheses in its name and a jump in its step. It's there for you and willing to work hard. It has access to over 400 letters[2]

Conclict with Department of Forwarding Mail RandomlyEdit

The Department of Forwarding Mail (Less Randomly) has tried to file forms for conflict resolution to end its terrible war with the Department of Forwarding Mail Randomly, but the forms have unfortunately been randomly forwarded by the Department of Forwarding Mail Randomly.

Department of Blatantly Refusing to Forward Mail Until Bribed ProperlyEdit

The fastest-growing department, employees of this well-off part of bureaucratic society manage financial-bureaucratic operational mergers and syntheses of effective form-requisitioning processes. They might forward your mail for a small fee.[3]

Relations with other departmentsEdit

The Department of Blatantly Refusing to Forward Mail Until Bribed Properly has complicated relationships with the other departments:

Relations with the Department of Forwarding Mail RandomlyEdit

Very friendly; the business model of the Department of Blatantly Refusing to Forward Mail Until Bribed Properly relies on there being no other available method to get mail anywhere.

Relations with the Department of Forwarding Mail (Less Randomly)Edit

Highly violent.

Relations with the Department of Blatantly Refusing to Forward Mail Until Bribed ProperlyEdit

Allied.

Note on its relation with itselfEdit

Due to legal restrictions, the Department may not forward mail to itself without proper payment.

Relations with the Department of Bribe RegistrationEdit

The Department of Blatantly Refusing to Forward Mail Until Bribed Properly is highly involved in the novel ways of Bribe Registration. Bribe Registration is a highly competitive and innovative field, wherein all aspects of bureaucracy and administration come together to create a brighter, healthier, and more aerodynamic future.

Relations with the Department of CorruptionEdit

Both departments consider the other to be a sub-department of themselves, and as such they have grown together like a behemoth made of forms and tape. Only the Ministry of Counting the Other Ministries can tell them apart.

Department of Bribe RegistrationEdit

The Department of Bribe Registration is the biggest department when measured in sheer paper output. Considering its meagre resources, skeptics conjecture that it has in fact delegated its tasks to the Department of Corruption.

Department of CorruptionEdit

See also: Department of Blatantly Refusing to Forward Mail Until Bribed Properly I guess

The Department of Corruption is a noble and morally upright entity that might or might not be completely indistinguishable from the Department of Blatantly Refusing to Forward Mail Until Bribed Properly. Its philantropic and philanhippoic ventures are known throughout the land, but cannot be listed here due to an ungoing conflict between the Department of Corruption and the FPH Wiki regarding "friendship fees" .

Co-operation with Department of Bribe RegistrationEdit

The Department of Corruption denies any co-operative frameworks with the Department of Bribe Registration, and the Department of Bribe Registration itself could not be reached for comment.

TriviaEdit

  • The Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy in fact has three different Ministers, all of which deny the existence of the other two.
  • The Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy has, in fact, sometimes cut red tape and made innovative processes easier. This resulted in the Bureau of Red Tape Copyright Conflict Resolution.
  • The Ministry of Abundant Bureaucracy employs many penguins of different races within its ranks, but it is suspected that some of these are in fact Nile Penguin infiltrants who cannot find their way out of the cubicle rooms.

See alsoEdit

Notes & ReferencesEdit

  1. according to 2003 estimates
  2. cumulative, 1902-2013
  3. paupers need not apply.
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