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Classical Mythology of the FPH Clan is a name I just pulled out of my ass to describe all the vaguely Silmarillion-like myths that Gagylpus and others wrote in 2002 for the Temple of Myths and which form a hazy foundation for other literature and all later lore even though nobody really remembers it in detail.

It provides a refreshing look into our 2002 minds, when life was simple and LotR films were coming out every year and Tolkien had to be shoehorned everywhere by law

The Classical Mythology is roughly divided chronologically into the Beginning Days, the Grey Annals, the Blue Annals, the White Annals and the End Days[1].

OriginsEdit

The FPH Mythology originated in this here thread.

The Beginning DaysEdit

Alright so the Beginning Days are mostly about the creation of the world and then, er, Intel fights Atari or whatever (they are called Great Powers and are not at all just rebranded Valar), and basically in the end there are four intelligent races around, right, the humans, the elves, the dwarves, and the hippos. The elves represent ES and the humans represent HG and the dwarves are there because you need dwarves in fantasy hth

Right so they all awaken after all the Great Powers bullshit is over, and the hippos are next door to dwarves on a continent called Hippodom, and dwarves build the hippos' cities (the capital Purpleopolis foremost among them!). The Golden Hippo is sort of namedropped as the hippos' boss dude out of nowhere.

THEN SUDDENLY A PLOTLINE STARTS. Apparently someone makes a prophecy about AoM just off-screen and the dwarves write 21 books about it because they trip balls. They are stored in Purpleopolis somewhere. So then the elves come in and study the books and then decide to take them back to ES-land or wherever to work on AoM, but the dwarves are like "fuck no". So one night the elves sneak into Purpleopolis with the help of some Hippos and manage to steal four of the books. Nine others were destroyed, six remained with the Hippos, the dwarves took one home and some sort of a master book was taken to the center of the world by, um, nobody in particular.

Alright so now the elves are fleeing Purpleopolis and some Hippos go after them and just as they chase them down and are about to fight them, The Golden Hippo appears all pissed off at everyone and punishes those Hippos by taking away their wings and tealifying their skins, thus creating Teal Hippos. Wait I thought the elves were the bad guys here? Jesus I suddenly understand nothing.[2]

The Grey AnnalsEdit

The Grey Annals were a later concept and I think these were originally in The Beginning Days. Whatever!

Okay what follows is Newbie finding the FPHs for the first time on their continent. He almost gets eaten by crocodiles but survives on account of having alot of ropes

He had alot of ropes.

—Gagylpus, The Beginning Days

He stays for a bit and then more people come (founding the clan and calling themselves Templars) and the migration of all those smart people makes HG stupid so to fix it the FPH Island is created midway between HG and Hippodom. Then for some reason Atari attacks it by evaporating the sea and then he tries to magic the island on fire but the Templars magic the fire back to him and he has no water to extinguish it because he had evaporated the sea so he loses when his weapons melt down hahahahaha these myths own[3]

Then I guess Atari destroys the Island on his second attempt[4] but Talon rebuilds it so that's fine[5].

The Blue AnnalsEdit

So for some reason the Great Powers give a bunch of Templars all sorts of sovereignity over the elements or whatever. Like Azzie gets to rule over the earth and Eskay is now to boss the skies and Theias would rule the underworld and shit. Those templars are given magical staves and called Order of Miroah. And then they sail north and settle in the Northern Island for some fucking reason.

Lief and Theias are corrupted by Atari in yet another Atari plot nobody seems to give too much shit about, and then, um, Lief corrupts Eskay, with, ah, a sword. Anyway shit hits all sorts of fans and everyone is at war with everyone else but Lief was in charge of writing that so it never got written I think.[6]

The Blue Annals are relevant to bugger all

The End DaysEdit

Was it something that already happened or was it supposed to be like Ragnarok or something? Someone edit this is please.

But basically Atari escapes from that place he was supposed to be imprisoned in, much like he appeared to be doing every other week, and then he destroys like the whole world (Hippodom and precious Purpleopolis go down first, oh no! Then HG and then ES). FPH Island survives somehow and then a final battle takes place on a huge plain somewhere. This is not like LotR at all.

In the end Atari gets defeated and the Powers recreate the world much like it was before, rendering the whole thing pretty pointless.[7]

The White AnnalsEdit

Not sure if the White Annals are supposed to come before or after the End Days, but it seems like this was intended to be the place all new myths would be gathered in. It contains stuff like personal Templar myths.

ReferencesEdit

  1. http://www.fph.fphblog.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=4378
  2. http://www.fph.fphblog.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=4376
  3. http://www.fph.fphblog.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=4402
  4. http://www.fph.fphblog.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=4379
  5. http://www.fph.fphblog.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=4388
  6. http://www.fph.fphblog.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=4403
  7. http://www.fph.fphblog.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=4404